Cancer support for parents and carers

It can be really difficult to find out your child has cancer. It’s vital to remember that there is support out there for them, and for you. You might feel overwhelmed with the amount of information you get in the next few weeks and months – remember if there’s ever anything you don’t understand or aren’t sure about you can always ask questions. While there’s lots you can do to support your child, you also need to remember to look after yourself as well during this time.  

You might feel a range of emotions when your child is diagnosed with cancer. This might include:  

• Anger 
• Guilt 
• Fear 
• Loneliness  

However you’re feeling at the moment, it’s important to understand that your response is completely understandable. There’s no right or wrong way to react. 

You might find that it helps to be honest about what you’re feeling, talking to your partner, or to friends and family, or to a counsellor, can ease your anxieties and fears. You don’t have to face this alone. 

It’s easy to forget to look after yourself when you’re so focused on looking after your child but it’s important to take time to relax and stay healthy. Try and eat well and get enough sleep. Get some exercise when you can. Don’t feel guilty if you find yourself laughing or want to talk about something other than cancer.  

You might feel like you haven’t got time to look after yourself, but it’s important to make that time. You and your family will be better off if you do. 

There are a lot of practical things you can help with – from cooking healthy meals to packing hospital bags to driving to appointments. If you’re not sure if there are any other small or big things you can do to help then speak to your child’s care team and they should be able to offer some advice.  

One of the most important things you can do is let your child know you’re there for them. In the coming months, your support will be vital. 

Remember that a cancer diagnosis doesn’t stop your child from being an independent young person. So try not to: 

• Be over-protective. Young people need their own space – cancer or no cancer. 
• Take over. Involve your child in decisions about treatment, and try to understand if they sometimes want to go to appointments alone. If they are 16 and over their care team will also be involving them in decision making. 

Instead, try to: 

• Ask what you can do. Your child might want you there 24/7 or might prefer to know you’re always a phone call away. 
• Encourage your child to do normal things. If they’re feeling well enough, seeing friends and going out can make a real difference. 
• Talk about normal things. Not every conversation needs to be about cancer. 
• Be honest. This point is worth repeating – try to open up about your feelings and to encourage your child to do the same. 

Chances are your child will be incredibly grateful for your support, but they might sometimes struggle to admit that. 

It’s tough as a young person who might feel like they’re starting to gain their own independence to have to rely on their parents again. It might also feel difficult for young people to feel like they’re missing out on ‘normal life’.  

So try not to react if your child sometimes takes out their emotions on you. This is a really difficult and confusing time for everyone. 

If you’ve got more than one child, keep an eye on they’re coping with their sibling’s cancer diagnosis. It might sound obvious advice, but it’s easy to lose focus when you’re dealing with cancer. 

Siblings will go through a lot of the same emotions as you however they might hide their feelings if they’re worried about causing more stress. 

They might also feel like they’re not getting the same amount of attention as usual and be feeling left out. They might resent having to help out around the house more than they usually would and they might feel annoyed at missing out on things they usually do.  It can be really overwhelming if your sibling has cancer and they might also feel guilty about feeling all these things.  

It can be a rough time, and siblings sometimes deal with pent-up feelings by acting out of character. So it can help to: 

• Encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling 
• Be honest about your own feelings 
• Be honest with them about how their sibling’s treatment is going 
• Spend time with them when you can, just doing what you normally do and finding out what’s happening in their lives 
• Talk to their schools, so teachers can offer the right support 
• Plan a regular night where you get a takeaway, go out for a meal together pr just spend some quality time at home focused on them 
• Let them know you appreciate any extra effort they’re putting in. 

Opening up to each other can be tricky but, however awkward it feels at first, it usually helps to let each other know how you’re getting on. 

Letting your friends and family know about your child’s cancer is never easy. But the people close to you can be a huge source of support, and might want to help. 

However you choose to tell people is completely up to you. You might find it easier to let people know over the phone or by email. Or you might want to ask a friend or relative to pass on the news for you. 

Trying to cope alone can actually make things harder so don’t be shy about asking for a hand with things if you need one. 

And remember – if you get upset, you get upset. No one expects you to put on a brave face or to pretend everything is OK. You don’t need to tell everyone everything all at once, either. You might find it helps to take your time and only talk about it when you feel up to it.  

You can always ask someone else to pass on updates for you as your child’s treatment progresses. It’ll be one less thing for you to think about. 

If you work, it can be a struggle to keep up with your job when your mind is on your child’s diagnosis and when you need to be with them. 

It’s important to let your employer know about a cancer diagnosis as soon as possible, so you can work out what to do together. You might be entitled to: 

• Take time off without pay – this can’t be used for long-term care, though 
• Parental leave – possibly up to 18 weeks 
• Flexible working – working from home or working part-time, for instance. 
  
   

Finding out more about cancer can be really helpful and can support you to better understand your child’s diagnosis and treatment plan.  

However it’s important to be careful with where you look for this information. We have lots of information for young people with cancer in our information section but if there’s something you can’t find then turning to Google can be helpful.  

We’ve got some quick tips on how to make sure you can trust the information you’re reading:  

• Ideally stick to information from UK-based organisations. Healthcare is different all over the world so you’re more likely to find relevant and accurate information to your child’s situation on UK-based websites.  
• Find information on other healthcare charities websites. There might be a charity that specifically supports your child’s diagnosis who can offer more detail and some even have helplines too.  
• Look for the PIF Tick! This is a kitemark that shows that the information has been through a thorough development process, has been clinically signed-off and tested by people to make sure it makes sense.  

Remember you can also always ask your child’s care team for more information and for the answers to any questions you might be struggling with.