My partner helped me throughout my cancer journey
From his diagnosis to his relapse, to being given the all clear, Ryan’s partner Jess was with him all the way through his cancer experience. After a few months of feeling sick, losing appetite and back pains, Ryan was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. Ryan shares with us how Teenage Cancer Trust Clinical Nurse Jenny and Youth Support Coordinator Cathy helped him throughout his treatment, with Jess also sticking with him every step of the way.
When I was told that I had Hodgkin lymphoma, I was happy in a way because I finally knew why I felt so ill. It wasn’t just me, there was actually a reason. The doctor was great too and told me that my chances of going into remission were really high. I just thought: ‘It’s happened, now I just need to power through it.’ My girlfriend Jess accepted it really quickly too. We both had suspicions that it was going to be cancer, but we didn’t let on to each other. In a way that prepared us. It was Stage 4, and it was in my bone marrow, hips, spine, neck and spleen.
I started my chemo in June 2019 as a day case patient at Queen Elizabeth, Birmingham, where I was treated on the Teenage Cancer Trust unit. Jess and my parents took it in turns to take me there and to sit with me while I was having treatment. It helped to have them there to chat to as it kept my mind off things.
Jess also did everything around the house, so I didn’t need to worry about anything like cooking food while I was feeling weak or ill. It was a massive help. She was still working as a teacher, so I was worried about whether she was taking too much on and also how she was coping mentally. I’m sure Jess had days where she cried to her friends or parents too, but she put on a brave face. To have her support was absolutely massive. She gave me mental support when I was feeling down. She really kept me going.
The Teenage Cancer Trust staff got to know Jess and I really well. This helped both of us as I felt comfortable around them and I had new people to chat to when I was in, but it also meant Jess knew I was in safe hands when she couldn’t be there, and she worried less. I got to know them almost like friends instead of hospital staff and we had a good chat and laugh whenever I was in.
My employers were brilliant throughout and just let me work from home on the days where I was well enough to. I knew if I wasn’t working, I’d just be sat watching TV and I’d have too much time to think about treatment, so having work to focus on really helped me. I’m still mostly working from home now. Jess is a teacher, and her school were amazing throughout too. They gave her odd days off during the first part of my treatment so that she could bring me to my chemo, and they let her work from home during the second part of my treatment as due to Covid, it was a risky for her to go to school then coming back to me.
I had six months of treatment and got the all-clear in January 2020 and then Covid hit in March 2020. My check-up was delayed because of Covid and when I had my check-up in June, they found that my red blood cells weren’t right. They assumed it was because it was summer and I was a bit dehydrated, so they said they’d keep an eye on me. In November 2020 it was still high so between November and January I has scans and biopsies. In January 2021, I was told the cancer had returned in my spleen and neck.
I was told that I’d need to have more chemo and then a stem cell transplant. Knowing what to expect from the chemo really helped. The first time round one of my biggest worries was about how it was going to affect me but going in the second time I knew what to expect and I planned my routine around that. I knew when I would feel rough and when I would feel ok.
Because of Covid the Teenage Cancer Trust unit was closed and I was on an adult unit. The Teenage Cancer Trust arranged for me to have a dedicated chair there which had more privacy. My Clinical Nurse Specialist, Jenny, and my Youth Support Coordinator, Cathy, both came to visit me there. I wasn’t allowed any other visitors, so it helped to have them to give me support. Because Jess knew them, she was less worried about me being there alone. Chatting to them also helped pass the time and it was nice to see familiar faces. I could also tell that they were specially trained to work with my age range and that was even more important during Covid. Even though the unit had to close, it was great to still have Teenage Cancer Trust’s support.
In Summer 2021, while recovering in hospital from a stem cell transplant, I went from seeing Jess every day to not being able to see her for a month. It was the longest we’ve been apart since we met. I FaceTimed her when I could and it was great to see her face, but sometimes I didn’t even have the energy to do that. I always made sure that I texted her to say I wasn’t feeling well enough to call so that she didn’t worry too much about me.
Only Jenny and Cathy could visit me and because I was more reliant on them, that made our relationship even stronger. They saw me through my lowest points and helped me keep going. I told them about my plans to propose to Jess and it was nice to chat about something other than treatment. It gave me something to look forward to on the bad days. Because Cathy and Jenny knew both myself and Jess well, they were really excited about the news and offered advice.
It was great to get out of hospital and get on with normal life again. Now I’ve been given all clear and just go to the hospital for check-ups.
Jess and I met through friends during our second year at uni in 2015. We quickly got together and moved in together in 2018. Jess was so supportive through my first lot of treatment, and I started thinking about proposing to her. I thought if we can beat this, we can go through anything together. When I was in hospital recovering from my stem cell transplant, I had lots of time to think about it. I started planning where and when I would propose and thinking about rings. It gave me something to look forward to on the bad days when I thought my treatment would never end.
I also told Cathy and Jenny about my plans to propose to Jess and it was nice to chat about something other than treatment. Because Cathy and Jenny knew both myself and Jess well and had seen me go through my whole journey and they were really excited about the news. I asked their advice about things too.
Wales is very special to Jess and I as we have friends and family there and had had a great time when we visited before. We planned a holiday there and I popped the question during a nice coastal path walk. Our friends and family were in the area on the day I proposed so we were able to celebrate with them afterwards.
We’ve set the date for August 2023 and Jess has already done a lot of the planning. It’s nice to have this to focus on and it seems like the perfect closure from one part of my life and the wedding will begin a new chapter in my life with Jess. Cancer made me who I am and now I’m going to move forward.