I revealed I'd had cancer with a f___ cancer cake

Being diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma

I’d been on holiday to Sweden in October 2020 when I started feeling unwell. I thought that I just had the flu and I picked up a bit when I got home, but it wouldn’t go away. 

I knew that I wasn’t well when my laugh made me sound like a seagull. We recorded it because it sounded so funny. My chest would squeak for about 10 minutes. Because we’d just gone into lockdown again, it was impossible to get a face-to-face appointment and everything was over the phone. The doctors thought that I might have a chest infection or asthma, so I was given a round of antibiotics and an inhaler, but neither did anything. 

I couldn’t be bothered to go back to the doctors again and I thought I’d leave it to get better by itself. I also started getting a tingly pain and numbness down my arm and I couldn’t work out what it was, but I thought it was because I’d started college and was carrying a backpack around. 

One day I was looking in the mirror and I couldn’t see one of my collarbones due to a lump, which was unusual because my collarbones had always been quite pronounced. That worried me, along with the fact that I was feeling under the weather and had a persistent cough.

I did what most people do and googled my symptoms. It brought up glandular fever and mono but I went down a wormhole and landed on a page for Hodgkin lymphoma. All of my symptoms matched.

I went into my older sister and said: ‘I think I have cancer’. Typically of an older sister, she said: ‘Shut up, you’re being so dramatic you don’t have cancer - stop trying to freak me out’. I just said: ‘You’re right’ and didn’t mention it to anyone else. 

The lump continued to grow in December, and another one popped up on my neck. I also had night sweats. I convinced myself that I had cancer. I wanted to go into Medicine, so I was medically aware. I knew I had to get my point across to the doctor. I insisted they saw me in person and listed out all of the symptoms, asked for a neck x-ray and an ultrasound. 

The doctor listened to me and was fantastic. She got me booked into an ultrasound and an X-ray within a week and did blood tests. 

It was January 2021 when I had my ultrasound and I had to go in by myself despite only being 16. I knew the person doing the ultrasound couldn’t tell me much, but by now I was convinced I had cancer and was determined to get some answers. When I asked if he could see anything, he didn’t answer directly but he said he was going to fast track it. 

In late January, all of my family were sat around with tissues and glassy eyes. They thought the news was going to shock me, but I just said: ‘I have cancer don’t I?’.  I’d already been researching wig companies and looking at videos of people having chemo. Having prepared myself helped, but it was still an overwhelming experience and I was worried about losing my hair. I’d also just started college and made new friends, so I was worried I would have to drop out and lose my friendships.

Friends & family reactions

I chose only to tell 10 of my closest friends. Some people didn’t react very well. One person said: ‘How long do you have left?’ Others were so desperate to relate that they told me their dog had died of cancer, or their granny, or their cousin’s neighbour.

I couldn’t face the idea of having to support other people and making sure other people were ok. My family all reacted differently. My mum wanted to reach out and find other parents who were going through it and my dad was really angry. He questioned how this had happened to me and thought it was unfair. I got a lot of gifts from family and family friends. At times I felt like I was comforting my family more than they were comforting me. 

People’s reactions and my desire to feel normal at college put me off telling more people. I decided to just carry on at college and not tell people. I shaved my hair and wore a wig and pretended I’d had a haircut. My wig was from Nuola Wigs and it was great because it was so lifelike. 

Treatment and keeping diagnosis secret

After being diagnosed at The Royal Marsden NHS Foundation Trust, I started chemo in February at The Royal Surrey County Hospital as it was nearer to home. I organised my chemo sessions around gaps in my class schedule and when I missed time at college, I told people I had a cold. 

I had a picc line so wore long sleeves all of the time. That was fine when I started chemo in the winter, but I had chemo through to July, so it was hard to explain to people why I was still wearing long sleeve when it was boiling. I used to ask my nurses to change my dressing and placement of the picc tubes to be on the underside of my arm so that even without sleeves you wouldn’t really be able to see it, and so that with sleeves on there would be no outline. I was very devious in my attempts to hide my ‘secret’.

I had around 30 pills a day and my bag rattled when I put it down. I constantly thought: ‘I don’t want to get stopped on a train as they will think I’m a drug dealer!’

As it was my first year in college, I went to all of the parties as I didn’t want cancer to hold me back. I’d just take my anti-sickness pills the next day. 

The worst part for me was losing my hair. Everything started to improve towards the end and I was counting down to my chemo at the end of July. 

‘F*** cancer’

I had so much dramatic flair that I organised a birthday party for my 17th and invited round my school and college friends. I announced that I’d had cancer with a cake that said ‘Fuck cancer’. I told them I’d just finished chemo and people couldn’t believe it. There were screams and tears and people were hugging and kissing me. I’d held it in for so long, so it felt good for it to come out. 

I got the all-clear but a month later I relapsed. It was my first day back at work in a department store and I was adjusting the scarf we wear when I felt a lump in my collarbone. I immediately thought: ‘It’s back’. I went to the doctors and they said the likelihood of it being back was so tiny, but it was.

I was told that I would have to have intensive chemo and spend weeks at a time in hospital. I told them I couldn’t imagine anything worse and I’d rather die. I asked if there was anything else I could do. 

My consultant at The Royal Marsden looked into a drug trial for 16-18 year olds. I had the right type of cancer and I was at the right stage, so I got to take part. It was immunotherapy which meant my hair continued to grow back.

I had to have scans every two months and the first scan showed that it was working well. But the second scan showed the progress had stopped and the tumour growing back. They had to switch it up and I had to have chemo, immunotherapy and then a stem cell transplant in May 2022.

Teenage Cancer Trust’s Unit

While I didn’t like having to have treatment a second time around, being on the Teenage Cancer Trust unit at The Royal Marsden really helped. There were things there that I hadn’t even thought would be in a hospital. They had all kinds of musical instruments, films, activities, great food, ice lollies.

My Youth Support Coordinator at the time was called Ella and she often came into the room to have a chat with me. She also organised for a musician to come to my room and I got to play drums with them at The Roundhouse. Being on the unit opened doors in multiple ways. Aside from the drugs, it was great fun being on the unit. I had no responsibility or worries. 

After my first shocking year at college, I decided to repeat, and I managed to do it while I had my treatment. I’m in my second year of college, about to do my A levels and hopefully off to study Medicine at Liverpool this September. People thought that I would be put off, but I still want to do medicine, just not oncology, which is too close to home and I’ve had enough of cancer. 

I was very active before my diagnosis but my chest became so bad that I couldn’t run it do cardio. I’m just getting back into that, cycling and team sports. 

Ultimate Backstage Experience Royal Albert Hall 

I was anxious about going to the Ultimate Backstage Experience at The Royal Albert Hall with Teenage Cancer Trust as I didn’t know what to expect. There would be lots of people who I didn’t know and I didn’t know how old they would be. I was a little apprehensive when I got there, but all of the staff were so lovely. I got to bring my mum as well and it was nice having her there. 

It helped knowing that the other young people were in the same position as me. None of us even talked about cancer until the end of the day; we just got on with things. It was a safe space as we all knew why we were there and no-one was singled out, like I would have been in a room of well people. 

We had a music workshop and some people were clearly more adept at music, but everyone got stuck in and got involved. 

We met Kasabian and they were lovely. My mum even managed to cosy up to them for a photo. 

When we were asked if any of us wanted to say a few words on stage about how Teenage Cancer Trust helped, I volunteered. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I would have kicked myself if I didn’t do it. 

I thought that I was going to be nervous but it wasn’t as scary as I expected. When I walked out onto the stage I realised there was a massive amount of support for the group of us who were supported by Teenage Cancer Trust. It took away the nerves straight away. I loved it. 

I must have had an on-stage high because I saw Serge from Kasabian when I came off and told him he looked like big bird in the best possibly way, as he had a fluffy coat on. He was lovely and just laughed it off. 

Their performance was amazing. Serge came off stage and into our section and everyone went wild! 

I’m so glad that I got to go to the Ultimate Backstage Experience. I would encourage everyone to go as it’s worth the amount of fear 100 times over for the joy you get.